Not a Soda

            "Hey. Where did you get these sodas? They taste soooo good."

               This was really bad. My roommate, who was anything but bright, had mistaken one of my experiments for a soda. In reality, it was a homemade serum that, if successful, could change one's 23rd chromosome, from Y to X or vice versa. If not successful, then for all I knew, I may be making a new kind of poison. Using chemicals from the lab I worked in, some tubes and the wonders of chemistry, I somehow managed to make what appeared to be soda. Well, it has been said appearances can be deceiving.

               I didn't dare use a human subject, so I would've used an actual guinea pig, or maybe a rabbit. With nowhere else to put them, I ended up putting them in our miniature freezer for safekeeping. It was an unfortunate downside to living an apartment since housing prices are ridiculous. Unfortunately, my hapless roomie must have stumbled onto the cans I placed my serum in. I would have been mortified...if my experiment wasn't technically a success.

              "How did this happen to you?" I asked, faking horror.

               "I don't know." He-- She, I guess I should say--sounded so ditzy now. "I found this in the back of the 'freezy-thingy', and I was, like, soooo thirsty."

               I didn't dare tell him--her, I'll have to learn to get used to this--about my experimental serum, not that she could understand anything intellectual anymore, least of all, from me.

              "Listen. That is not a soda. What you drank was something I worked on, an experiment. You understand?"

             "Uhh, I think so." She sounded like one of those big-breasted airheads on those old sitcoms we would watch when we got bored.

             "Okay. Do you remember what happened when you first drank this stuff?"

             "Umm..." She closed her eyes, trying to remember the events. She appeared to be struggling.

             "I think... it started when I felt tingly all over. My hands started, like, shaking and I couldn't, like, make them stop. Then, the strangest thing happened to me: My fingernails just started growing. They got, like, sooo long."

             Looking at her fingernails, sure enough, they were long and unmanicured, as if they were a bird's talons.

              "I should have been, like, freaked." She continued. "But I thought they were, like, just so pretty."

              She then spoke of the hair on her arms and how, in her words, "icky her hairy arms looked on her". As if on cue, they started either falling off of her or receded into her skin, she claims, though not in those words, of course.

              "Then, the tingling moved to my p--my p--my thingy down there." She gestured to her private area. I could tell that was what she meant. "I could see my thingy shrinking from inside my jeans. I even heard, like, a slurping sound."

              As she spoke, I could hear traces of her original self, as a male, but it seemed like a second personality, completely unlike the other, was fighting them, trying to take control.

              "Suddenly, my hair just rained down my head. It totally covered my face. It grew and grew and grew, and I totally feel like Rapunzel now with this hair."

              Her hair seemingly appeared to go down to her derriere.

              "Then, my chest started tingling." I think I knew where she was going next. "And I say to myself, 'Oh my God, I'm totes growing boobs.' First, one blew up and then, the other. They felt like water balloons."

               It was here that she cupped them. "They still feel like water balloons." She giggled as she pushed them up over and over. I won't lie, it was mesmerizing, and upon a close look, they did look like water balloons. They had to be D-cup, if not DD-cup. I knew it was rude and that this was my roommate, yet I couldn't help myself. Once I finally snapped out of it, I asked, "What happened next?"

             "Huh?" Apparently, I snapped her out of her own daze. 

             "I said, what happened next? Didn't you feel any pain at all?"

             "Oh yeah. I felt some pain in my stom--stom--like, my belly. It felt like those things you get when you swim after eating. What are those things called?"

             "Cramps." I answered.

             "Yeah, those things. I think your soda messed up my belly."

             "How?"

             "When I pulled up my shirt, I saw some weird things moving around, like little bubbles."

             "Little bubbles, you say?" She must have seen globules of fat either moving around or melting from within her stomach.

             "Yeah, and I saw my belly shrink, too." My roommate was rather heavyset, so it wasn't hard to imagine such a huge gut melting in size. "Some little bubbles were on my legs, too."

             When she said that, I pictured her thighs becoming thicker and more shapely.

             "The tingling stopped after a while," She continued. "and I went to a mirror to see what I looked like."

             "Were you horrified by your changed appearance?" I asked foolishly.

             "I was so ready to freak, but when I, like, touched myself down there, it felt soooo good. I couldn't stop myself. Before I knew it, I had--that thing that makes you feel really good after, like, making out with a boy."

              I could guess what word she had in mind. I couldn't help but be awestruck with my work and what it had done to my roommate. Unfortunately, I had no idea how long the effects would last, or if they would wear off at all. How would I explain this to his relatives? Could I be arrested for this? What could I do to salvage the situation? Making matters worse, I didn't know if it was still my roomie talking to me or a new identity.

             "I got sooo horny and...Uh-oh. I think--*pant*--I'm getting--*pant*--that feeling again."

             Her panting became faster and more erratic. She appeared to be either having hot flashes or she was slowly getting horny again. Could this be a side effect of the serum? Was the split personality I feared I created finally taking over? Either way, I was about to get an answer.

             "Neeeed...cooooock!"