A Better Person

            I was regretting taking that experimental pill. But, at the same time, I hate my body. When I look in a mirror, I feel like I'm looking at a walrus.

            As fate would have it, I would have a scientist for a next-door neighbor. He was eccentric, but he meant well. A lot of his experiments usually blew up in his face. This time, however, he seemed certain that he wouldn't miss. He said he had developed an experimental pill that would improve my body and, in the process, my self-esteem.

            "You can finally be happy with your body." He told me. "You'll be more noticeable, more attractive, more mesmerizing. A better person."

            Those last words still echoed in my head. A better person...

            It had been a few minutes now since I took that pill and yet, nothing happened. I thought it was another failure when suddenly...

            *Growl*

            "Whoa."

            I felt my stomach churning. Then came some pain as I bent over. Something was happening after all. The growling was soft at first, but then, it growled a second time, and it was much louder. Rushing to a mirror, I had to see what was happening. The moment I reached it, I think, everything started to change. As I lifted up my shirt, I saw something that I'd only see in a cheesy mad scientist movie.

            What looked like bubbles were moving around underneath the skin of my stomach. Then, my stomach fat began disappearing. With every second, more globs melted away into oblivion, making an eerie 𝑆𝑙𝑢𝑟𝑟𝑟𝑟𝑟𝑝 sound. The fat in my thighs also melted away. As I looked on mortified, my body kept shrinking, losing weight. It was a nightmare straight from "The Nutty Professor". All the while, my stomach was still in knots.

            *Groan*

            "What... did that... pill do to me?"

            What seemed like the last of my changes finally came as my whole body tanned and my brown hair suddenly went blonde. At last, the pain was gone. I could stand up straight again. However, my body was totally alien. Turning to my oven so I could see my reflection, I saw an absolute stranger looking back at me: Blonde, well-sculpted, leggy, hot. That kooky pill had worked! To my surprise, I really was... a better person.

            I had to thank my neighbor. He was responsible for my new, attractive body. Maybe I could give him a blowjob. Wait, why did I think that? I hardly know him. Why would I want to do that? He...deserves to be ridden like a horse.

            These can't be my thoughts. They're too R-rated, too filthy, too...hot for you to handle? Well, I guess if you can't handle it, then that's not my problem. As for your neighbor, I'll be sure to thank him for the both of us. After all, he did make me--sorry, us--a better person.